


Dishwasher Safe

by chibi_nightowl



Series: Myth-Bats [3]
Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-12
Updated: 2016-09-12
Packaged: 2018-08-14 16:16:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8020603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chibi_nightowl/pseuds/chibi_nightowl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Jason…please tell me you’re baking the lasagna in the oven where it belongs.”</p>
<p>“If I wanted to bake it in the oven, I wouldn’t be here, now would I?"</p>
<p>“You’re cooking it in the dishwasher.” It wasn’t a question.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dishwasher Safe

 

Tim stumbles into his apartment after a very long day at work, cursing the board of directors and shareholders in general. His hand is at his throat, unknotting his tie, when he hears a sound from his kitchen. He quickly drops into a defensive crouch, instantly alert. 

“It’s just me, Replacement,” Jason says, voice drifting from further in. 

_What the hell?_ Tim stands up and walks out of the small foyer and into his living room. Across the way, he sees Jason at his kitchen island, working on something. The smell of cooking Italian sausage hits Tim’s nose. His stomach grumbles. 

“What are you doing here?” Tim asks as he strides across the room to lean on his counter, peering into the kitchen. 

“Making dinner, what’s it look like?” Jason’s cutting up mushrooms. 

“I see that, but why are you making it here? You have a functional kitchen at your apartment. I’ve seen you use it. Unless you’ve moved again?” It’s a legitimate question as Jason has a tendency to move every few months. 

“My dishwasher is broken.” The mushrooms go into a pan with what looks like tomato sauce. 

“So? You wash all your dishes by hand and use the dishwasher as your drying rack. And storage. God only knows what you actually store in the cupboards instead of your dishes.” Tim spies a large aluminum dish he knew didn’t belong to him. 

“I need a dishwasher for this to work.” Jason stirs the sauce. 

A sneaking suspicion is starting to grow in Tim’s mind. _No. No, he can’t be…_ “Are you making lasagna?” 

“Give the kid a gold star.” The bigger man stirs a large pot on the stove with a pair of tongs Tim’s pretty sure he owns. 

Tim groans. “Jason…please tell me you’re baking the lasagna in the oven where it belongs.”

Jason turns and smirks at Tim. “If I wanted to bake it in the oven, I wouldn’t be here, now would I?” 

Glaring, Tim says, “You’re cooking it in the dishwasher.” It wasn’t a question. 

The smirk morphs into a grin. “You got it.” 

Tim shakes his head as he turns and walks towards his bedroom. “I need a shower and a change of clothes before I can deal with you.” 

“Just don’t use up all the hot water!”

***** 

When Tim comes back out in sweats and a t-shirt, Jason’s sprawled on his sofa with a well-worn paperback and a mug of what is most likely tea on the coffee table. He hears the faint sound of the dishwasher running in the kitchen.

“If I remember the clip right, it’s almost three hours before that’ll be ready.” 

“Yep.” Jason turns a page on his book. 

“I’m starving. You bring anything to make a snack?” 

“Bruschetta’s on the counter.” 

Tim’s stomach growls again. _Jason may be a pain in the ass most of the time, but his cooking almost makes it worth it._ He walks into his kitchen and gets a plate. Turning, he sees almost a whole loaf laid out for him. 

“Figured you’d be hungry. I was going to be here sooner, but had to wait for the bread. The last batch sold out.” Jason says from the sofa, raising his voice a bit to be heard. 

Around a mouthful, Tim replies, “Oh, this is the good stuff from that little bakery by you, isn’t it?” 

“Yup. Worth the wait. Thought if I was going to invade your apartment, I’d at least have something edible in case the lasagna turns out like crap.” 

Nodding, Tim eats another slice. Swallowing this time, he says, “You’re forgiven.” 

Jason chuckles as Tim fills his plate, gets a water bottle from the fridge, and brings his snack out to the living room. He curls up in his armchair and grabs his TV remote. “You mind if I turn this on? It’s my night off, so I was going to catch up on a few things on my DVR.” 

“Go right ahead.” Jason puts down the book and sits up. “I’ve read this a million times already. What’re we watching?” 

“ _Cutthroat Kitchen._ ” 

Jason grins. “How appropriate.”

*****  

_A few hours and a few episodes later…_

“Mmm…this didn’t turn out like crap.”

“I know, right? It’s not crispy and gooey like I want lasagna to be, but steam cooking it really does work.” Jason takes another large bite. 

Tim is practically inhaling his, he’s so hungry at this point. “All I care about right now is that it’s edible and warm. That bruschetta barely whet my appetite earlier.” 

“You skipped lunch again, didn’t you? Don’t you have a secretary or assistant to make sure you don’t do shit like that?” Jason asks. 

Nodding, Tim swallows. “Tam. But she skipped lunch today too.” He got up to go get another piece from the kitchen. 

“The rate you’re eating, you may as well bring the whole pan in here.” 

“Funny" Tim says dryly. "I’ll be good after this piece.” He cuts a larger than normal portion size for himself and puts it on his plate. _Food coma bliss tonight._

As he sits down, Jason grabs the remote to turn the TV off pause. “What I can’t believe is that you record cooking shows and can barely make a pot of noodles for canned spaghetti sauce.” 

Tim throws his fork at Jason, who expertly evades it. “Screw you. I _can_ cook. I do actually pay attention to some of these shows. I like Alton Brown and will watch just about anything with him on it.” He gets up to get a new fork. 

“You watch _Iron Chef America_ and learn from that? C’mon, they do shit on there I can only dream of,” Jason says incredulously as he sets his empty plate on the coffee table. 

“No, I learned from _Good Eats_.” Sitting down again, Tim resumes his meal. 

“Okay, that makes more sense.” Jason nods his head. “It’s the science of food and you’re a nerd.” 

Tim raises an eyebrow. “Coming from the one who just baked a lasagna in a dishwasher because he saw the clip online and thought _why not?_ ” 

“Replacement, you are a nerd. A complete and utter nerd who just so happens to dress up at night as a fairly competent vigilante. I, on the other hand, am much better at concealing my inner nerd to leave the cool exterior for all to see.” Jason makes a broad gesture with his hands. 

“Uh-huh,” Tim deadpans. “So that’s why you walk around all the time with your nose in a book, preferably one written before 1900 and in Great Britain.” 

“Exactly.” Jason grins. 

Shaking his head, Tim grabs the remote and rewinds the last few minutes of the episode. They watch the rest of it in comfortable silence. 

“So…what’s next? I’ve got the newest season of _Game of Thrones_ on the DVR.” 

“Sweet, I’ll make popcorn.” 

Tim shakes his head as Jason walks into the kitchen and starts rustling around. _Thank god I don’t have a pressure cooker. I’d need to dig out the bomb suit…_

**Author's Note:**

> One of the BEST Mythbusters episodes ever! It was like Food Network met Discovery Channel. In case you can't tell, huge fan of Alton Brown. 
> 
> Here's links to the sequences referenced here (and yes, I know the Dishwasher Lasagna was cut from the episode, but it lives on YouTube!):
> 
> Dishwasher Lasagna: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7IaT90jhuB0
> 
> Instant Popcorn: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=baQT0pwvXKQ


End file.
